Have you ever read ‘If’ by Rudyard Kipling? It used to be my favourite poem for many years.

You can read the full poem at the Poetry Foundation website here. In the meanwhile, here’s an excerpt of some lines I was thinking about recently:

[Excerpt of] ‘If’ by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

….

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

… 

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

….

I got the meaning wrong the first time, didn’t I?

Being a classic overachiever, my initial view of these lines was that these must be all the things it would take to be considered a successful adult – or human!

It was a long list, wasn’t it?

I was full of admiration for Mr.Kipling who must have surely achieved or experienced all these items he had laid down so beautifully in the poem.

And who knows, maybe he did!

But it has only now occurred to me that the poem, the lines above in particular, may well have been more about finding balance and stability in life. Not to be so easily overwhelmed by all the highs and lows you may experience.

The stress of being a perfectionist

I am definitely one of those people who can take things a bit too far, especially when I’m interested in something.

I also tend to place way too much importance on getting things just right, yes even perfect. I am definitely a perfectionist.

This combination can make for a lot of anxiety. I want to do a good job at whatever I’m doing, and when things don’t work out exactly as planned, it’s frustrating.

At the back of my mind I understand how many things in life are subjective, but when you have standards so high that you barely even meet them, is there a point to perfection? (Spoiler: the answer, in my view, is ‘No’ 😊)

The importance of finding balance if you’re a perfectionist

What I’m beginning to realise these days is that ‘perfect’ changes depending on the situation. It changes depending on how you feel, how you grow as a person, and ultimately what you value.

There are many variables in defining ‘perfect’ and many of them are subjective.

Do you feel the same way?

Rudyard Kipling may have. And I think he was on to something in ‘If’.

When I revisited the poem recently, I realised he was probably talking about the importance of staying balanced, grounded, in the face of all the craziness that can happen in life, in order to mature into a stable and well-rounded person.

If you can hold many perspectives, keep an open mind, and stay balanced in the face of life’s ups and downs, it becomes much easier to brush off mistakes or negative moments to move forward.

I’m not saying there’s no room for improvement; usually, there is.

But striving for perfection shouldn’t be a lodestone around your neck, dictating or destroying your good mood in a quick moment, or discouraging you from continuing on your path with grace and hope.

It’s great to celebrate an achievement you’ve worked hard for! Just don’t get caught in that cycle of trying to ‘outdo’ your previous accomplishments. Especially not to the point of never taking even a reasonable risk on something that may be a bit different and new, out of a fear of failure.

Been there, done that, and I can tell you it’s a futile process that’s usually a recipe for getting stuck in a rut.

For me personally, as I kept growing as a person, the next ‘achievement’ couldn’t quite keep up with my new perspective on life.

Yet, learning to stay balanced helped me realise what truly mattered to me.

Balance can help lead to happiness for perfectionists like me

I’ve had my careless, lazy and sloppy moments in life that I wish I could redo.

And I’ve felt the pride of achieving something I really wanted to achieve.

In both circumstances, the lows and the highs ultimately faded away.

What was left was the search for the next thing, and then the next, and then the next… along with higher and higher standards I set for myself. It began to feel like I was a hamster racing MYSELF on the wheel of life.

It was only when I steadied my outlook on things, found that balance between highs and lows, that I began to see the freedom in not going to extremes.

The truth I learned was: Being so affected by imaginary standards in the quest to reach my destination was stopping me from enjoying the journey at the pace that suited me best.

At this point, I realised that perfection was really not the standard that suited me personally. It was happiness that I valued most.

And being balanced – seeing the positives in both failures and success, keeping a steady perspective no matter the challenges that came my way – was a great equaliser to staying happy no matter what.

I hope you enjoyed today’s post! Do share your thoughts on the importance of being balanced in life. Not a priority? A helpful approach to life? I’d love to know what you think! 😊

Bella